-faded.illusions-

haitus...hope this work

2004-06-04T11:12:00.000+08:00

I'm on haitus!! Hahaz. Com's a little slow these days and thus, makes blogging horribly slow. I'm taking a few days break from blogspot and thus, creating a new layout >.< cant wait! haha!

Hmm...so these days, there will be no updates. Nothing from fictionpress or fanfiction...(anyway, how long have I been excusing myself from those both sites?) Ehem... erh, cant link pple too... So..wan ting and mel? Pardon me. Will link u guys in the new layout. >.< gomen.

SO...as heez continue to work hard during the hols, please review my work if u passed by or something? leave ur contact (a.k.a site add or email add?) Continue tagging!!! =D alrite...heez now going back to bed...

~* the shooting star just zoomed across heez's bedroom's skies.

Eds Nite

2004-05-30T10:49:00.000+08:00

Wheee~ Yesterday was EdS's first concert! UnDeR tHe StArS! It was a wonderful, sucessful, full of laughter performance. In ONE word...IT IS GREAT!

We went to school at about 830...althought i reached school at 10? because I need to go to the hospital for treatment. We practise and had some messy rehearsals..until lunch time. Kind and loving wan qing, yee tien and denise went to packet mac for us, so we had a nice lunch. After lunch, we had our technical rehearsal and messily get ready for the matinee (did i spell tht correctly?) Had a hard time doing the make up and learning how to change in a minute. *diaoz* lolx.

The matinee starts at 4...but not many people came. The performance went right though, despite a little disappointment. The night one was FaBuLoUs! Thanks for all the friends and families out there! CaRmEn, Thanks Girl! for your creative idea of a sugarcane subituting a floer. Lolx, but still, luv ya lots for coming! Xin Hui and pachara! Thank you too! eh...who else? Lots, to those who make this a complete sucess, thanks alot.

~*

In conclusion, I love EDS. EDS SHINE AND THE SPIRIT GOES ON BURNING!

updates on inter-class

2004-05-26T20:15:00.000+08:00

These few days...we had inter-class competition. girls bball, guys soccer (as usual). so here are the UpDaTeS:

3K won for bball...until today, where we tied. I din really watch this match cause I needed to rush home..but think both teams very hiong...so our star player pachara got injured...(sadz!) Ee...also. Then I also heard someone's face got scratched? Yah.. Should have stay though... The rain came, so the match stops at 4:4. Tied. Sianz. 3K~ Da Qi Jing Shen Lai! Jia You Wor!

Hmm...the guys? Lost. eh..i din watch the match..cause I was watching the girls. =) eh...so i din know whats the score... SiGhZ. so we dun get a treat from Mr Siva and he dun get a treat from us either. =) FaIr.

~*
SiGhz. What am I doing arh? Think holidays is homework-doing month. sian diao. Hmmm...lets see...every subject we have soemthing to do. okies. tht irritates me already. Projects...wow... 3 of thm i think. Hao Duo Wor....

~*
Eds nite coming le. Tomorrow is the full dress rehearsal. You yi dian jing zhang... but can one bah? Dancers! Jia you! WE can do it and EdS ShiNeS!

~*
Bu xiang zhai he ni wan ze chang you xi. GoNe le.... like the falling leaves under the orange skies. Like the freezing snow in the white white land. Like the birds flying from north to south. This...is us. Really wonder how time can pass like this, how such can turn 180 degrees, just..without a speech, without a common goal. This is still...us. When is such thing going to end? How long...am I suppose to go on? Or at least...do i have to hope that the last leaf will never fall off the trees unfer the orange skies, to make sure tht the snow will never be frozen when it reach the white white land or is it, to make sure that the birds will always stay in the north without the desier to the south? I really wonder...how much or what I have to do...to let u know...

Why cant he just understand?

2004-05-20T18:06:00.000+08:00

Down. really feeling horribly down. What in hell is happening? Rumours...I HATE RUMOURS. really. Can't that idiot just shut up? Doesn't he know that his foul mouth makes lots of people uneasy? Makes lots of people cry and misunderstand each other? i hate this..truly hate this. What am I suppose to do now? COnfused~ Am i suppose to clear things? cause i bet the outcome will probably be what i Expect: even worse. I'm not strong...not strong enough to clear and shout all my way through this. HopEless. Seems so far now...and yet...24 hours ago, it was totally different. Am I thinking too much again? I hope not...

~*
SiGh... Overall results is out. EEEkkkkzzz. Damn PoOr. MuSt StUdY harder liao. -_-|| A sigh of releived that my physics actually passed. *phew* oh yah...and speaking of physics, Our Dear Mr Siva is getting married on 12 June 2004 at a church? yah..and 2E are invited!!! wahahaa. I'm so excited. >.<

~*
Feeling cold again. Damn cold, uneasy, far, distant...whatever words u can think of. Most of all... urge and curiosity to know what on earth is going on...

by the orders of SINEE

2004-05-17T21:34:00.000+08:00

yah rights. by the orders of Sin EE, I am made to do this test. enjoy. and stop thinking whehter i cheated. NO. I DID NOT. =p

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

~*

shurgs

2004-05-16T21:12:00.000+08:00

SiGhZ! Finally managed to at elast touch my homework a little... SO busy since thursdae. Practise practise practise. Then on Friday, perform perform perform. Then on Saturdae..perform perform perform and watch watch watch. Kscope concert was ytd, not a bad concert, and of course..EDS dancers are sooo awesome! They rox! the drama juniors also did well! Wah...Im so amazed!

~*
Tired though. Still drifting in nowhere. If only... I can create balls of light when i fold and open my hands... To guide my way through this whole sinking thing. I have enough. I getting out of this whole mess and try to tell people out there "Hey, this isn't my fault ok? so just get out of my way!" now..that is.. if only i could.

~*
Sighz. Drifting, sinking, happily contentedly resting. Can I leave all miseries here? Can I just let the wind bring me to another world? Lolx. See? crapping again. *shooz* alrite...i need a wheel-chair (being lame mah..)

~*
Tick TIck Tick...may time jsut pass faster....

2004-05-14T23:34:00.000+08:00

You are a romantic writer. You're ALWAYS writing
about some significant other--about lacking
one, about wanting one, about having one, about
being with one--it doesn't matter. If it
involves even a tiny ounce of love, you're
there! Much into the works of Christina
Rossetti and the works of Alfred Tennyson, you
are a bit of a classical writer as well....but,
for the sake of all things cheesy, you're more
of a hopeless romantic than a classical writer.
You write whatever comes to mind--which usually
involves a significant other. ^^; Oh well. If
literary geniuses don't do it, who will, right?

What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla

~*

You radiate light! Whenever you walk into a room
people immediately notice you and a since of
calm flows through them. You will do beautiful
things in this world!

a... DO YOU PERSONIFY DARKNESS OR LIGHT?
brought to you by Quizilla

~*

You are Spirit...you are ethereal and light. You
always think the best of everyone. All your
friends call you an angel.

What Element Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

~*

so many nice nice tests. all so cool. lolx. sorry arh..did alot cause very interested in what im thinking nowadays. lolx. gomen ne...=) have a wonderful time!

close my eyes

2004-05-13T21:06:00.000+08:00

pain, really just pain. it's like drowning, slowly, sinking, nowhere to go. didn't know when I will reach the sea bed...jsut sinking, sinking...

these days, too much thing just happened. Too much to handle. Yet, no one was there....and i thought i needed no one. but i was wrong, too wrong. I'm still someone dependent on others, someone who just hell needed someone to be there. *breathe in* no need for tears, over the red fail marks. No need for tears, over those who didn't care. No need for tears, over the cruel reality..

~*
no vow was made, thus the tears fall like rain, like snow, like falling leaves. I never know why, why am I tht affected by people around me. I closed my eyes, just to allow the tears to be held back. a minute, a second, I dun really care. just hold them, until all was gone.

they cried today. I dunnoe why. I never knew. Am i tht un sensitive to other's people feelings? am i that ignorant. Now, Im beginning to wonder, who am i? what am i? why am i here? something that i always thought i have the answer...now...all gone. I state my mind today, state and burst out crying. I thought i was strong and yet I myself proved it wrong. I was weak. still. nothing had changed. nothing at all. everything is still stagnant. Really, I'm really sinking. deeper and deeper...and who will be able to pull me up by then...

WHy am I that stupid to make them all cry again? Sigh, ignorant fool I am. *shakes head* just wonder and wonder. Love is so ironic. here and there, it is so romantic, giving u everything u need for a perfect life..yet, it is destroying your reality, all it could give..perhaps is only an illusion...'

hold the petal in your hand, using your imagination, let the petal fly to wherever u want to go, whatever u want to do...let it bring all your sorrows away...

~*
okies. tomorrow is kscope le. a little excited, a little nervous. So sad tht we are only performing for 6 classes? dunnoe lah. lolx. school like become community centre liek that. all sorts of courses. but, no matter what, no matter where, EDS spirit will go on burning, with the never dying flame! so peeps! Jia You!

~*
let all sorrows go. let all nightmares go. because every sreak of sunlight bring us hope, for a new day, for a new tomorrow...

today and tomorrow

2004-05-09T11:17:00.000+08:00

HaPpI mOtHeRs' DaY! Wheeeeeeeee lolx. lame-o. well...got mom roses from the garden and a small hug..no..not small...is HuGe. lolx. yep yep. not bad eh?

~*
Duty to clean up dishes, lean the table and help my bro around. Nono...dun get me wrong, it is not that i dun like helping out or what...it's just so many things had happened and yet, I am in nowhere. My bro got hurt, eh..a little seriously injured. sighz. friends are like all a little down...thought kscope rehearsal was fine...but it is jsut like, everyone beside me aren't in a good mood. So, im practically down too. sighz

~*
silence these days. cold. feel kinda isolated. lolx. dunnoe why lah. just a feeling. sighz. i really dun wanna think about it. Just wanna relax myself, do whatever i need to do. allow myself to jsut go straight. couldn't think so much anymore.

~*
well, last but not least, dancers, actors, jia you~ we are gonna make it okies?! haha. jia you~ show people eds can do it.=)

soul

2004-05-07T22:31:00.000+08:00

You have a Calm Soul! Being calm and cool is what
you do best. You collected thoughts and always
positive attitude make you very bright and
logical. When theres a problem, you know how to
approach it, and solve it. Your friends rely on
you on their problems, and your shoulder for
their crying. You are peaceful, and enjoy
nature and freedom. You rarely get angry and
hardly scream, which makes you good with kids.
You seem to be in tune with the world and if
anything goes wrong, you always bounce back.

What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

angelic

2004-05-07T22:24:00.000+08:00

Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most
of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but
Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure
Angels always appear when a child is born, when
a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their
first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear
in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold
wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and
show their love to everyone in the world.

What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

hmmz....sweet couples mah

2004-05-07T21:52:00.000+08:00

Full of tears. really full of tears... People all around me cried today. I feel so so so sad. It's like, my best friends are all crying...of different reasons though..but it still make me sad. but still, they are more cheerful le bah...
~*

tomorrow's kscope fringe's concert rehearsal. Little bit nervous. here and there. not very sure if we are gonna do well or what. But must jian qiang, cause alot of pple wished us good luck le. so must Jia You! Hmmm, got my new ballet shoes! PInky. lolx. really, very pinky. (not refering to tht cute skinny mouse) then..we got our costume...a very very nice shirt (blue) and a flowy skirt (also blue) *now..imagine blue and pink* lolx. haha. i like the costume very much! haha. so so so so nice!
~*

Hmmm...I'm feeling so strange now. lolx. only carmen and eunice knows. lolx. but eunice arh, this "thing" wont lasts long leh... *u know what i mean lah* haha. anyway, tomorrow must get up DaMn early just to get to sch by 750. so early right??? sighz...so must wake up early also. must also sleep early also. so now, i should end and go play before i sleep...need to play also mah...haha. to all those people who is feeling sad today... " Now now, dun be sad kz? because there's a sun, moon, star and ME!" lolx...(sinee surely saying:"self-praise again" ). alrite...*yawn* go le go le. crap so much....

whoosh!

2004-05-05T19:32:00.000+08:00

wahahaa! today is so0 fun! Day filled with plenty of laughters! well well, today mah...chem test. dun reli think i will do great lah...but still got hope. *hopeful look* thn went to play in the rain with pauline, crystal and eunice! haha. thn very cold on bus. got alot of "blushes" and stuffs. lolx. those who knows what im talking about, just imagine. then @ bedok, we tried to "kidnap" eunice. really look damn silly. pulling her here and there.

~*

sighz. a little stressed now. so ironic. tmr's dance audition for EdS nItE...think we 7 a little overly stressed. Hope tmr can jia you jia you, do a perfect one. So peepz! Jia you wor! never doubt urself!
plus plus plus...my DRAMA pple! please? DUn screw up. keep tht cheerful face on your face. Keep smiling and dun give up never and really, never! *even if u have to say the 3 words out*

~*
today also very bUsY. until no time to give clarissa the $12. *oopsy* sorry ne...dun mean to arh. too busy liaoz.
~*
Hmmm...like nothing to write today. just plain cheerful. perhaps, staying this way will make me stop being miserable bah...maybe..thn perhaps faintly, slowly, drift away from dreadful nightmares. dun wanna ever think, just wanna go a day by a day, gove everything my best shot. thts all. haha. so all out there! Jia you too oh! Keep tht smile on your face AlWaYs!

overall layout done

2004-05-02T09:43:00.000+08:00

awww...finally. well, new layout is done! *cheerz* Denise, I decided not to put those "words tht move at the bottom of the page", because either it make your com hang, or make my com hang. lolx. hmmm, I re-organised the links, adding a few...so if I ACCIDENTALLY miss someone out, please tell me okies? Dun flame me. lolx. A little detail bout the new layout ba. As usual, layout is from animeskies, blogskin organised by Yiling from animeskies. and hey! animeskies is definately for people who love animes! I edit a few parts on my own and I really like the light blue colour! dun think i wanna just get away from final fantasy, No Way! On your speakers, tht's final fantasy.
~*
I thought alot these days. especially after thurday. alot of things happened. I guess it is ironic, when something tht u like is something tht others dun like. sometimes, we only think in a way tht the advantages are for us, yet, when we try to use others perspective, it is like, "wow, I rather not have it. " After much thinking, kinda feel tht the problem which makes me so sad and uncomfortable lies within myself and my attitude ba. It's like, I'm always too sensitive. Here and there, when people dun mean it this way, I always thought it this way, making myself miserable...

So today! It is a NEW me. lolx. Decided to allow myself change. =) haha! Never gonna cry over minor and silly things again. SO, IF I EVER CRY OVER MINOR OR SILLY THINGS, I ALLOW ANYONE TO SMACK MY HEAD...with an exercise book of course. lolx

Haha. i repeated this line many times le leh...but still wanna say..*dun care*. I really wanna thank all friends who allow me to wash their shirts for them with my tears and those friends who actually wake me up from my nightmare. AND, those who always stay by me no matter rain or shine. Thanks alot. =)
~*
okies. man..this is such a long entry. haha. Kscope is coming up, as well as EDS nite. All dancers, must jia you! we have already come tht far, so never doubt ourselves and never give up. Dun bother what others say le, as well as we think we have done our best, thts it. okies? So dun drop any tears of sadness le, only happiness. understand. bury all your sadness into the snow and not your heart. lolx. okies? Jia You orh!
~*
alrite alrite, no more talk. go so hoemwork liao...since i haven done any since friday. lolx well, thanks again for all friends out there and of course, may the glittering stars brought by your angels grant your wish!

new layout

2004-04-30T23:25:00.000+08:00

updates! sorry people..the last layout is always having probs due to some weird programs. lolx. Im in the mist of changing my layout so thus, links are not up, music not up, etc. Sorry tristan...for my error. very hell sorry. =) and denise? u happy now? I've changed my layout! lolx. ok lah. will touch on it asap. so hold on to your horses~ lolx. will be ready soon lah. =) any suggestions must tell me.
~*

sighz

2004-04-16T22:30:00.001+08:00

OOO0000ooooh...finally. have the time to come and blog loh! wah...time flies man~ finally...pass my physics test by 1/2 mark. sian diao. think reli reli disappoint siva? lolx. 3 tests, 2 fail. sighz. now face very red. sunburnt. thn got two colours! lolx. look so weird. anyway, DHS won 2nd in overall! so coolz! heh, i guess ngee ann pple run damn fast. they qiong all the way one...dotz.
~*
haiz. lets see, i flopped chinese test, physics test and my geog test. all this week's test i all flopped. bad week i guess? sighz. just got back bio...fine. i passed. thought tht test will murder me. .. lolx
~*
hmm..alot of things happen this day ba. here and there a little bad news and good news. I kinda feel very hmmm...dunnoe? mindless lah. yepz. the right word. mindless. hahaa. shed a little tears here and there? thn pple also cry with me. and im really grateful for those who are there for me...and huang huan? im okies le. thanks alot for your concern. and u know what? u are a great friend too! *hugz*
~*
to those pple who tag my board? thanks alot for all those encouragement. and those who just linked me..i m so so so so so sorry pple. dun have the time to fix my links. im trying to get a new layout...so just wait a little more? heez...sorry ne..
~*
haiz. may all pple get what they wish for...and may all pple out there who needs the courage, JuSt Do It!!! lolx. have a nice and beautiful dream ahead!

sighz

2004-04-16T22:30:00.000+08:00

dunnoe?

2004-04-11T12:00:00.000+08:00

today is sunday, tomorrow is monday and the day after is tuesday. ahh...like never ending. Today is a day to finish up all my homework. but thn...my head still hurts from knocking on the wall too much. (curse the one who make me to do) lolx.
~*
finally i realise, sometimes just a joke could be taken real and thus a lie hurts a million. it's like he could lie that he likes u, and on the other hand, u believed, but thn again, to him it is just "oh, its a joke. " sighz. I was thinking if such lies should not be told? if not it'll be like:

"she lost her sleep
because of you
but on the other side of the world
you sleep like a pig"

well, looks can be decieving ba?
~*
lets see, wednesday got chinese test, wednesday got physics test (scared) and thursdae is SpOrTs DaY! yep yep, EdS pple going out to by costume liao orh. haha. and fridae...geog test. (collasped) tsk tsk. holidays like no holidays.
~*
better go finish my work liao. but before i go..i find the song lyrics of "simple and clean" nice. hope u guys like it. =)

Simple and Clean
Utada Hikaru, kingdom hearts

You're giving me too many things
Lately you're all I need
You smiled at me and said,

Don't get me wrong I love you
But does that mean I have to meet your father?
When we are older you'll understand
What I meant when I said "No,
I don't think life is quite that simple"

* When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go

The daily things that keep us all busy
Are confusing me
That's when you came to me and said,

Wish I could prove I love you
But does that mean I have to walk on water?
When we are older you'll understand
It's enough when I say so
And maybe some things are that simple

repeat *

** Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before

repeat *
repeat **
repeat **

sick

2004-04-04T22:25:00.000+08:00

WHATS MY PROBLEM!? KNocked my head twice! then? GOT A BIG headache! ANd u know what?? I rushing through My work again!I reli hate this. Reli, reli hate this. What kind of life is this? I need a break, and I really mean BrEaK! ARGHZ
~*
to admirer:
You know why I think it is a prank? Because I have no common sense to tell me whats a truth and whats a lie. U understand that? Because I learnt that not many guys in this world is always telling the truth! And again, I do not know who u are. I dun wanna hurt you, and never did i ever think of that. and plus, how am i going to hurt u when I dun even know who u are? But anyway, if i reli did hurt u..then I'm reli sorry. reli.
~*
StReSsEd. Going to crap on maths now. bUaIx

tired.dun wanna walk on anymore.

2004-03-25T16:57:00.000+08:00

so confused. so dead. so tired. Although today have 3 periods of recess, I'm still tired! haha. guess chasing men around, telling "stories" is also very tiring ne. lolx. tsk tsk, neo and men owe me sleep! wahaha.
~*
--" to tell you the truth, I don't have the strength to carry on playing this game anymore. countless times that I told myself to forget everything, and for that countless times out there, I was always unable to. why? I do not know. really desperate to know the answer. really tired. i guess i cant put all the fault on you, because in the end, the fault lies with me. I'm hell sure of that. maybe that's why i cant forget, because the fault lies with me..."--
~*
waaaaaaaaa! tomorrow got chem SpRiNg TeSt!! so SiAnZ. hahaa. haven study yet. tonight still got piano lesson, my time are all fully booked! SiN eE so good lorh! can go bake CoOkIeS!! *yumz* hahaz. i also want....
~*
anyway, thanks for all the daughters who try to make fun of the prankster. lolx. and of course, denise, yours' the cutest! >.< hahaz. EdS Peepz out there! Lets work hard for Kscope and EDS NiTez okies? Jia you orh!
~*
yePz. i guess no matter what happen, friends are there to help. so i really thank all my zhu peng gou you! wahhaa! thanks, for letting me cry and wet all your shirts. anyway, cut all my crap. ~ThAnKs~

hikaru

2004-03-22T22:12:00.000+08:00

WeEeEeeeee! Finally! Sighz, march holidays are over. But to me, it is like NO holiday at all! still so BuSy! haha! But still, enjoyed myself lah=)
~*
3 more weeks? less than a month to Kscope le. A little nervous, a little excited. I had lots of fun practising and training. No matter tears, no matter laughter, just feel great when it comes to kscope dance practise. =) lolx. Burn 4 cd liao. Daughters ah, thank your lao ma ba. lol!
~*
A lot of things happen today. Like nightmares, like haunted dreams. I'm very confuse, very lost. I really don't know what I'm doing. It's like everything changing, then a little scared lah. Then very guilty over something also...
~*
SiGhZ...okayz. TIRED le. wanna go sleepz. *yawn*
haha.
may all sweet dreams come, and may all nightmares..."SHOO"
wahaha. thanks to all for the hugs and hugs and more hugs. nothing else can compete with them.

2004-03-13T17:33:00.000+08:00

nice test. pure little cute dark dragon. =)

Dragon Wings

What Kind of Wings are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

lolx

2004-03-12T23:00:00.000+08:00

one brain dead, one physically dead. lolx. alritez then, ah shall spend my time here! =)
~*
yep, sitting on the emotional swing again. AgaIn. Did chinese test today and whoa...not very good i guess. Then...the BaD nEwS: I failed by physics test. AgAiN! ohmygod. M.siva probably trying to consider why is his ex-2E student failing his subject. hmmmz. good question. Why did I ever fail?
~*
probably the worst thing ever done today. ran around the school to find one person, when all the while, she is "so far yet so close". sighz. Adding a little fever, makes everything worse.
~*
tomorrow is EDS camp!! though I'm not going, it sounds kinda exciting. Still having fever now...wishing it will end this sunday so i can go join EDS. lolx.
~*
then...here comes the big TuRnInG pOiNt of today's mood. dad came into my room, seeing me stressed and tired out. *obviously because I'm having a headache from fever and I do not want to go for tuition* then started a long lecture...thn I got fed up and cry. Nicez...but then again...i felt better after the "exercise".
~*
Sighz. I do not know what I'm doing...I do not know whether I'm being fooled, right now? or soon? or already done? It's like when you wonder so much that you get freaked out by yourself, wondering "when on earth have i became like this?!" something like that. Oh yah, wanna thank carmen for the hugs and sms, thank sinee for the comfort, thank crystal, eunice and tien for the little chat. and of course, thank eunice, yvonne, denise for making me laugh. thanks alot.
~*
Never know when, never know how, will i get out of the world of my own obsessions?

duhz

2004-03-06T15:39:00.000+08:00

feeling very lost these days...sort of looking forward to the March holidays. Many things happened these days. Happenings that make me realise that I do not know myself at all, neither do I really understand the people around me. I don't want to feel that she owe me, neither do I want to feel that I owe her something. These days are just not right...Lost.
~*
Lies again. How long am I going to stay? When can I ever get out this world filled with lies? I always thought that I had gotten used to this kind of life...yet, now I realise I never did. I learnt something else today. Some things, are so important, that you can't even trust your best friend with it. I guess so. Though I still have not experienced something like that, I bet it is really unbearable. It's like, your best friend will think so badly about you, but still, you will keep it there...forever. I guess, even if you have to leave your friendship behind...
~*
HaPpY bIrThDaY tRiStEn!! yeps! today is tristen's birthday celebration from EdS. Cute little junior who's going to turn 14 tomorrow. may all his wishes come true! Well, after my drama session, we went to KFC to celebrate his birthday. I did not stay long because I have to get back home by 1330...but then, think that he's quite happy! I'm glad...We sang him the birthdae song and I have the honour to cut the cake! lolx! The cake taste great! Love the white chocolates...*yumz*
~*
Hiding feelings again. I did not mean to...I just need some time to get over it. So do allow me to cry, do allow me to shout, do allow me to laugh. That's all I ask for.
~*
Run and Run and take Taxi some more. Still, couldn't make it home by 1330. Mom was asking why so late, where I go, what I did...lolz. Then sadly, can only catch last 5 mins of fRuItS bAsKeT!!so sad. But luckily, the last part is sweet...haha.
~*
Yesterday, I saw the 'green'. Alot of memories, alot of regrets. They just came rushing into my mind again. What have I done? I did not know. Or let's just say, I tried to hide it all, to forget them. But still, I should have known, keeping them, trying to forget them will make me feel even worse. So now? I dun know what to do. I just want to let everything drift away.
~*
OOoooOh....everything's flopping! lolx! haiz. Must jia you le. Like what Ms Low says, "must 'PiA' now, cannot wait until test then come and 'PiA'...that will be too late" Lol! So must 'PiA' more. Hmmm...next week got so much things to do, so much tests to study for. Ah ah ah..and this time...cannot fail PhYsIcS liaoz...later kao bei by HiM again...lolx.
~*
Experiencing mood swings again. One minute is anger, the other is tears and the next will be filled with sunshine. Lost total control over my feelings, my emotions. Whatever it is, it's all for a reason. I know, that whether things end up good or bad, it's up to us to make the move, to make the decision. Just don't want to regret anything anymore.

PiSsEd X2

2004-03-02T20:42:00.000+08:00

So much hair...so much tears. No fair! I cut my hair!!! And somemore cannot tie le!!I am so so so PiSsEd! Why? cause they lied again! S-t-u-p-i-d. Liars! How do they want me to believe them again? How many times? How stupid am I? Arghz! I am So Silly!
~*
Din reli know what happened though. But no matter what, please stay calm xiu... I know this is really hard for you. I know the hurt you have gone through. I know how you feel and I really understand. You know why? Cause I'm feeling exactly the same as you now! Haiz! BUt still, dun be tht sad and down ok? Everything will pass one...so you must hao hao jia you. dun let urself down. okies?
~*
not reli in the mood to write long..so just end here...

another dunnoe whats i am feeling dae

2004-03-01T20:20:00.000+08:00

so troubled, so messed up. dun reli know whats going on. here and there, whereever I go, things just keep changing. I kinda feel a little illusionized. Like what I see now isn't real and many many more. Like what we call inreality? Dreams? Imagination tht gone wild? Perhaps so.
~*
tomorrow is Lit test....unseen poetry. scared. like so many tests, so many fears. everydae wondering, am I going to fail again? Thn fridae is Geog test. sianz more. haiz...when is this going to end?
~*
todae is prefects' investiture dae! So proud! lolx. Among the high high ranks ones? like Assitant pres and head pres? Wah...all EDS one sia! So proud. Somemore! Head Prefect is Melody! Former RSS head pre too! =) Makes me even more proud! okiez. I'm crapping again.
~*
grouped up for Kscope todae. Haha. little YoGI "sacrifice" herself wor...to join us. So touched. lolz. Hope Kscope performance can be sucesssful...*crossed fingers* wanna thank yvonne, denise, and eunice for crapping so much todae. make me feel so much better. thankies!
~*
guess I gonna let go of things that arent suppose to be mine. not mine to be controlled. as Everything Happens For A Reason...and I reli do hope..the reason behind is a good one.
~*
Rain Drops
dedicated to yuki
outside
it's raining again
I closed my eyes
away from the hurtful sight

pain
that's what I feel
when u left me
out there crushed

wonder why
did I ever decide
to walk into your life
knowing the future is dark

now
it's raining again
like washing away
my memories of u

rain
just reminds me of you
making me cry
like raindrops falling from the sky...

tired

2004-02-29T18:02:00.000+08:00

haiz...so damn tired. just finished sending ee home after doing the physics project ppt. So so so tired. Actually, I kinda have a great time, thinking of ways to pissed my physics teacher...like turning his picture 180 degrees around and paste it at the end of the ppt and say "all the credits go you u! for making us do this untill we are now upside down!" lolx. still laughing here.
~*
fate and destiny. have u ever asked yourself whether you believed in them? I do. I trust destiny, i trust fate. though, sometimes, you cant rely entirely on them. Need some common sense also lah... but still, what i want to say is, things always end well if u take them easily. Dun brood over it too much. Yah..yah..i know...this applies to me as well... lolx. *roll eyes* but still...must Jia You! At least ...try to be optimistic?
~*
Guess the secret admirer is having lots of fun. A little bu shuang tht he or she can have so much fun. hmph. lolx. lets see, i spotted "it" in sh's and bel's bloggies? Is it the same "it"? lolx. wanna go find out who is it leh...but horh, i go so many things to do lorh. haiz. PiSsEd.
~*
Tomorrow...school....haiz. haiz. haiz. *why am I sighing so much?* I dunnoe? Just wanna pray hard tuesdae half day. =) mean am I? lolx. wanna skip lessons to rest this tired body of mine liao lah...so irritating.
~*
oh yah, NOW i rmb. I need to do CME project. haiz. Lao le lao le. keep forgetting alot of things. heez. ok...gotta go liao!
~*
-dreams colour your soul with rainbows of hope- =anonnymous
may your dreams come true...

tarot

2004-02-28T18:59:00.000+08:00

lolx. having fun leh. men...try it. lolx.
~*
I Am

Which tarot card are you?

juz for fun

2004-02-28T18:51:00.000+08:00

My #1 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, What FFX character are you?, is Rikku

edited blog

2004-02-28T17:12:00.000+08:00

awww...finally got time to edit my bloggie... changed a new song tht is a little more quiet. lolx. song title is "1000 words" from final fantasy X-2, piano version. changed the scroll bar colour...cause tht cyan kinda hurts my eyes. *-* hope its better thn the last one. lolx.
~*
din went for EdS todae...wonder how mint is doing...bet lots of pple din turn up...lolx. now lets see...pretty tired after sleeping from 2 to 4...*yawnz* still haven type out article to men and neo yet for the newsletter... betta get it done aft this...
~*
things to do this weekend:
-physics project draft
-articles for newsletter
-memorise duet score
-chem ws
etc.
Craping again... lolx. I dunnoe why...kinda feel very happy and relax today. like very quiet and comfortable. But still, something is missing...
~*
a little phrase before i go..."illusions are one's desires, thus dun just dream and see illusions, dream and make them reality..."

tired tired tired tired and crying

2004-02-27T22:52:00.000+08:00

another day another test another tiring tiring day....
~*
bio test today...kinda feel so stressed out. all weeks filled with tests.O levels results out today. wonder how my seniors did? heard tht it was a miracle...so i guesses its quite well. saw a pair of them crying though...wonder leh...how am i going to do for my O level lorh...
~*
Sal is SO SO SO SO MEAN! VS badminton won DHS....sadz. But never mind...I bet they did their bez le. Jia You!
~*
Yi xui arh...sigh. I think she kinda alot of pressure...i reli pity her. But its like all i can do is to just hug her and listen to her....like cant do anything much to help her... Wonder why I cant seem to solve pple problems anymore. feel so helpless...
~*
haiz...wonder got half day next week not...dun wanna continue this hectic life..wants a break. but one thing i reli regret....i din something so so so bad todae....though i think she dun think much bout it...I still kinda feel bad...sorry.
~*
whatever is it...must reli still thank pple around me for making today kinda cheerful and lovely. thanks. and crystal..thanks alot. =)

tired...

2004-02-25T20:02:00.000+08:00

haiz... another day just fade away like this. sometimes i wonder, what if there's no tomorrow? will anyone still treasure today? Think eveyone will... just live life to the fullest..
~*
Waaaa! Wanna cry alreadi! so many things to do! social studies article, chem ws, study biology. ahhhh! so many things. thn EDS nite *excited*, kscope and oooh...someone's bday coming right up. lolx. today maths test sure fail liao...forgot pyramid is 1/3...i went to multiply by 1/2. stupid me. and somemore dun even know how to use pythagoras theorem!! lolx.
~*
Yixiu cried today. I dun reli know what happen though, but I reli hope shes okay now. =)
~*
Yvonne! lolx. Thanks so much for tht lovely message. though i still think its a little late lah, but still, very touched. *tears*
~*
Life for me is getting better now. Thanks to many pple out there. Though i still wonder why she is still there, with my friends around, I'm feeling much much better now. thanks alot guys!
~*
If tomorrow never comes, all i wanna say is...I'm gonna miss u all. =)

pissed more

2004-02-24T19:52:00.000+08:00

awwww....nice one. Similar and congruent triangles! Dun like triangels now...haiz haiz haiz. tomorrow e maths test le and I'm still her moaning and groaning and complaining. crap.
~*
WHOEVER IS THE "SECRET ADMIRER" JUST STOP IT! I take this kind of thing seriously, so unless U wanna be my personal slave for a year, kindly just say sorry and leave. I'm not tht cruel to not give U a chance. and if u wanna continue, dun be stupid to use eyes on me lyrics, its gonna be easy to track down who u r.
~*
crap. how can she do tht to my fren lorh! PISSED! She's gonna get it from lotsa pple! isn't she even a little bit of worried??? Guess its right...if she dun look! she's gonna get killed any moment. Haiz...dun wanna talk about her, makes me mad! and please, it's extremely MAD.

7135

2004-02-17T19:49:00.000+08:00

lonely again. totally lost again. darkness again. How many lies I'm i gonna keep believing? How many words must I say to keep myself awake? How many people can I cry into? How many songs to sing to make the world a pleasant place? Just how much must I do to go on....
~*
let's see, geog just pass, english just pass, physics fail. nice. Falling falling and let's keep falling. I want to laugh, every minute, every second, every milliseconds. but i can't. it's just how ironic my life is. at one time, people will tell me this great great thing, and the next moment....BOOM! they started to tell u no....this is bad, very very bad...etc. who to believe? who to find the answer? who will tell me the TRUTH?
~*
i thought alot today, thought alot yesterday but i dare not think about the future. evenn what will happen in the next minute...i dare not think, dare not imagine. why? because every thing will come out the opposite! as in for the worse. guess many of u also felt this way rite? lolx
~*
generally, today is a confusing, full of lies day. lolx. how am i going to face tomorrow? i dunnoe, really don't know anymore.

valenti

2004-02-14T22:44:00.000+08:00

today's valentine day... Got lotsa presents, sweets, flowers and chocolates...(fattening) haha. Now I dun even know where to keep them! That's trouble i guess. At least, I finished up all chocolates! *yumz* If I'm gonna go weigh myself now, bet I'll be so much heavier! Lolx.
~*
a meaningful sms from shanyan (thanks yan! *-*)
Without Love...
dayz will be:
-sadday
-moanday
-tearsday
-wasteday
-fightday
-shatterday

so spread love everyday!!!
~*
Today's feeling is kinda ironic. I'm kind of worried, sad and a little happy. It's like a torture. I prayed and prayed, please....may my prayers be heard...happy because I had a great time at EDS drama today. Kinda fun messing around with NPCC....heez...sorry pple...dun mean to. =) Run round third floor and fourth floor...kinda tired....*yawnz*
~*
Love is in the air today....but will it lasts till tomorrow? Are promises meant to be broken...just like rules? Thou shall tell me....

I'm so sorry...

2004-02-08T21:23:00.000+08:00

Dear carmen and claire...I'm truly truly sorry if I hurt two of u....Really veri sorry. I din mean to. I'm really grateful that u tell me how u felt, cause only until now, we know how u guys felt. I'm really sorry. Very gulity le...=(

feel so cold...

2004-02-07T21:51:00.000+08:00

I dun like all this!! It is so stupid! Why is everyone acting so cold towards me?! What have I done lorh? I feel like a dead fish caught in the middle! How long? for how long am i going to be like this? depressed now. I'm real depressed. I wanna cry! But hallo! If i cry! I just got more scoldings! NO comfort, NO hugs, NO anything! Why?! Why is my life that fake! Why does everyone think I'm capable? I need rest! I need someone to tell me everything's gonna be ok! and here I am? trying to act happy again. My heart aches like hell! How long is this going to last? just for how long?! I cannot take it any longer...and yet, I've just put on another smile to my brother, telling him tht his sister will never say die...
~*
too cold to carry on...too cold to even hold tht light of hope. forgive me.

when the last leaf falls...

2004-02-07T14:37:00.000+08:00

the primary threes and four are so cute!!! they look at u so full of interest lorh! Their so so so innocent face! Beautiful! "U wanna join drama?" they will just smile and shake their head. Later on, they will come back with their form to ask u to sign to allow them to join drama! So cute right?
~*
Very tired today. Woke up at bout five until now... To me, sleep is fearful now. I don't want to have the same nightmare over and over again. I know it will happen, but I dun need hints i guess...just leave me alone. I can handle it, I can get over the grieve, so dun comfort me. Dun act nice to keep coming into my dream to give me "xin li zun bei", I dun need it. I dun need such a "good" friend like u, so just get lost....I'm begging u...
~*
There's so much things tht I haven done. So much things I wanna do, but all the time I have is now till the last leaf falls...

if only...

2004-02-06T22:30:00.000+08:00

dun really know what to say todae. I'm feeling kind of weird. veri weird. It's like I'm suddenly alone. I kind of lost my way ba. I thought I really know them well, really, veri well, but today, I just changed this feeling against them. If only I never overheard, if only I was never curious...
~*
sighz. i realli reali hellingly (if there's such word) hate tuition! so bored. hahaz. Tmr going to Red Swastika to promote DrAmA!! Coolz rite? and u know what? it's at 6.45 early in the morning! tht's what make it best! I know I sound like someone who has gone crazy..yes indeed...
~*
Happy or sad? Rain or shine? We'll just have to wait till tomorrow....If only I knew all along...

bad mood

2004-02-01T22:15:00.000+08:00

PIssed!~ HAte it! and I really mean it! Arghz! DUn like it realli dun like it. WHy everytime also like this one? I very bu gan xin and bui song ok? HMPH!

restless

2004-02-01T12:51:00.000+08:00

ahahah~~ I'm so restless now! Don't know waht homework to start first, don't know what to do cause I dun feel like doing anything. Life is so so so... haiz. Never mind, shall spend sometime on the net thn!

I'm feeling real terrible!!

2004-01-31T20:55:00.000+08:00

I want to cry. but i can't. My eyes are already dried. It's like having every horrible and terrible and horendouz thing come hugging u like u r a big magnet tht attracts them! HORRIBLE! and i mean it. HOrrible! I don't know why. Why does it have to be this way? Yes, i agree, the world is unfair. yes i agree, no one gets a fair share. yes yes yes, then why am I moaning and groaning over this? I don't know. So, I'm feeling terrible. reli reli reli reli hell terrible. For once, I wish that I wish that I had a shoulder to lean on, to cry on, to get comfort from...

tell me, these are not illusions...

2004-01-31T19:10:00.000+08:00

okok. Hihi. first entry. new blog. got nothing better to do other thn homework. =) well, trying blog for the first time, so qing duo duo zhi jiao.
~*
damn tiring! full of so many activites! drama, dance, homework... sec 3 life seems to be very hectic. Many a time, it's like part fantasy, part reality.
~*
I'm beginning to think that things around me are all illusions. Everything seems perfectly fine. But it's by luck, or shall I say it's because of fate? I manage to look at the harsh truth. NO matter how much I wish to keep this illusion going on, the truth will be out soon right? *tearz*

-faded.illusions-

haitus...hope this work

Eds Nite

updates on inter-class

Why cant he just understand?

by the orders of SINEE

*shurgs*

close my eyes

today and tomorrow

soul

angelic

hmmz....sweet couples mah

whoosh!

overall layout done

new layout

sighz

sighz

dunnoe?

sick

tired.dun wanna walk on anymore.

hikaru

lolx

duhz

PiSsEd X2

another dunnoe whats i am feeling dae

tired

tarot

juz for fun

edited blog

tired tired tired tired and crying

tired...

pissed more

7135

valenti

I'm so sorry...

feel so cold...

when the last leaf falls...

if only...

bad mood

restless

I'm feeling real terrible!!

tell me, these are not illusions...

shurgs